Goin' "Green"...

Welcome to Summer!!!

It's been seriously hot down here for days now...at least for the 4th it won't be 105. EEWWW.

In light of our warmer weather, and the really nice days that we still have, I decided to do a post that's more "green" than anything...

This sign is what I brought my momm

a home from my most recent trip to L.A., and she went crazy over it. The pic doesn't do it justice though. She plans on hanging it in the backyard once it gets closer to getting finished. It will be so pretty!

This is a small area of my mom's front yard.

I honestly, have no idea what these flowers are called, but they are so pretty.

She has several different kinds of these, they are some of my favorites. Their colors: purples, yellows, reds and oranges, they are so fiery and vibrant...just beautiful.

This is our little welcome sign.

My momma's "Welcome Home Bear".

He is the first thing you see (well, one of the first things) as you head up the walk to the front steps.

There have been a few times in my life where I was gone but one time in my life where I was gone for what seemed like years, but was not...and when I finally came home, came up that walk, it was nice to see that familiarity...

He greets everyone, but is old and getting a little worn for years...

He's made of wood, and I'm thinkin...maybe just a nice fresh coat of paint might do the trick?

Do you know what these are? Arn't they just absolutely beautiful?

These are Stargazer Lilies, and they are truly my favorite flowers ever. I have other favorites like forget-me-not's, morning glories, and a few others; but these...oh they certainly stand alone.

In fact, one thing I want to do, and have wanted for several years actually, is to get one of these tattooed on my shoulder, at the top, where the petals can unfold slightly around the edge of my arm, and collarbone...I love ta

ttoos...My mom hates them, (I think she thinks they are the spawn of Satan or something...) but I love them, and for me, are an expression and very meaningful to me (or on me).

But my mom bought these for me...she found two plants, and will be planting them for me in her front yard very soon!!

These were my grandma's. A little Dutch boy and girl that are kissing...They are stone...very heavy!!!

My grandma also used to have a saying that was on a Dutch plate that hung in her kitchen that said

"Cookin' Don't Last, Kissin' Do".

I always used to love that, I just thought it was sooo cute. Now that my grandparents are together again, this lil' boy and girl sit under my mom's bedroom window, guarding her, or maybe just watching to see if anyone catches their "almost kiss"?

And this little guy is in my mom's yard as well. She has a few of these, different colors. I just love them...they are actually bright and glittery, so why wouldn't I?

My mom loves to make her yard so bright, especially in the summer time, she finds the cutest little things to just "fill-in" right where they can be spotted nicely. And my mom has ALWAYS gotten so many compliments on her flowers, yard, and her decoratio

ns over the years...people just seem to love her work...I think it's because she just "has the touch".

This is a corner of her yard, by the front deck. The rock fountain in the corner is the newest addition, and we all love it!

It's really pretty, it does fit right in, and it sounds so peaceful when we turn it on and the water flows, it reminds me of when we used to go camping, and the streams I'd always walk by, or go fishing in, or even the massive river I fell into one year...(yeah not so much fun when your foot gets stuck between 2 rocks bigger than you are, thinking you're going to drown...) But it's funny how I think about that sometimes if I do just hear that little trickle of water! Funny how your mind works sometimes. And everyone that comes by, notices, and just really enjoys it.

Or when we sit outside, when the boys are on a break from irrigating, I make lunch or my mom will, or breakfast (whichever the case may be) and they sit outside relaxing, its nice to have that restful feeling...

And these are the lilies I brought home to my momma from my trip to L.A.

She was sooo excited, they actually still sit in her kitchen, because s

he just loves their colors...they have pink, purple and white all in one plant...you gotta love those hybrids!

Aren't they just as pretty as she is?

I just love her!!!

She is right now, doing one of the things she enjoys most, and not many are better at it than her...she is baking!! I found 4th of July cupcake mix so that's what she is whipping up! Yummy....

These are a few more of the little ones my mom finds and plants, they are just so bright and full of color, I just love them.

In fact, lots of people do, so many people give my mom praise for her various gardens, and usually, we put so many different things in the county Fair. But we are not this year sadly...every year since I can remember, my grandma, my mom and myself would put tons of different flowers in the fair, we would put vegetables in as well, and as I got older, I put in some of my photography and ceramics. My grandpa would also put in his almonds, peaches and nectarines and onions, as well as bunches of other things. But this year, we just have not had the time to really get it all together...maybe next year!!

It's so awesome when we can grow many things, and just relish the beauty of it all...all these plants, shrubs, trees, all of them...and their Creator...I think of that passage that says that "He knows all the birds in the air...wouldn't He care for Me all the more?"

A realidade da beleza é que é o olho do beholder... que como sei se sou bonita?

Grace

~Phil Wickham

The sky is grey and the light is far
The sea is a rage within my heart
I turn my sight to the crashing waves
I cry in the night just to be saved
I need eyes to be my guide

I need a voice that's louder than mine
I need hope I need You
Cause I can't do this alone
Grace I call Your name
Oh won't Your smile fall over me
I'm cracked and dry on hands and knees

Oh sweet grace rain down on me
I need You grace
I pray for dawn a new day to live
I pray for mercy only Jesus gives
Though darkness falls and a million cry
I believe over all there's a greater light shining for us

Come down and save me


This song is my "soul~song". This is the one song, that I can honestly say, I put every shred of "me" into when I sing it. I personally don't really care for how Phil Wickham sings it, but the way they sing it in our College group (where I first heard it) is absolutely beautiful.
For the month of June, we are having our group outside, under the trees, we bbq, and have an awesome time. So when I sing this song, my bare feet are in the grass, I can feel the wind (if we are lucky enough to get some) and I am in true praise in those moments.

I am very much in tune with music and words, and there are cretain songs that describe me, there are songs that touch me, and there are songs that move me. This song, along with a select other few, do all three to me. We sing this song with a few guitars, a piano and a cello. It's so simple, but it's so beautiful...

So how do I relate songs and music to me? I can only say that it's in my blood...I feel the music...and I feel words, too.

On that note, I will say that I turned in my story to the magazine I was writing to, for a contest...I am very nerve-wracked about it, even now that I have already sent it in. They will be choosing 15 winners, and notifying them by mid-August.
That's a long time to wait and wonder...but, it's teaching me things even now, re-reading my story. Initially, I had written almost all of it when I went to L.A. in May; but...I changed it, literally only a few days ago...to a whole different topic...and considered putting parts, or maybe even all of it on here, in installments, but even that just scares me...
I'm not used to people reading my work; especially if it's a story about me personally...but one thing I'm learning now is to walk on a little more faith...and so I am...

So maybe this will work out for me, and maybe not, but one of my dreams and hopes is that some day my words would be public, that is one thing on my bucket list...so I must find a way to get my writing going again...

Going, and Growing...

This is a part of our almond ranch, in February when the almond blossoms were in bloom. Levi just loves being outside, and he so loves the blossoms! He tries to grab them off the trees, but I have to remind him that we need the flowers for later...that seems to be a good enough reason for him at this point; but there's no telling what he is thinking, most of the time...wish I could get a little peek inside his thoughts!!

He loves his grandma, and she loves him, without a doubt. I think that they are good for eachother, and he is ABSOLUTELY the apple of my mom's eye. (She keeps telling me that when I transfer down to college to finish my degree, that "I can leave whenever I want, but boy, he sure is going to miss me!")

My precious son...and my wonderful momma! This really is one of my favorite pictures, of two of my most favorite people. We go for walks through the orchards alot, but especially when the trees are in bloom. They always used to remind me of snow when I was little, and it's my favorite time of year (except for Christmas, for different reasons) except for my allergies.

When we are in blossom like this, it gives us a better idea of what we can expect, come harvest time of course, and what kind of crop we will have, but also it just reminds us of how everything has it's own time, and that there are new mercies every morning.

I'm thinking we should have a better year this year than we did last year, but the hard part (one of them, any ways...) is never knowing what your end product is going to output, until the very end. It's not easy being a farmer, and it never has been. But it's certainly not easy today. We have so much technology to help us in different areas, from soils, to water testing, various chemicals to help the crop or the trees themselves, and even the soil, to irrigation sysytems and management, but as time goes on, there are more laws, and more regulations to comply with, permits you must have to do various things...or even other types of farmers (Dairymen, beef, chicken, etc.). You have so many inputs and costs throughout the year, and there isn't a single guarantee that you will get a return, let alone break even for the year.

My entire family is a family of farmers, from the first generation back in Corvo, Azores. We work so hard to keep our farm going, and growing, and we are proud to be farmers...It's in the blood. We are needing to replant some acres very soon...so we do what farmers do best...we wait. Wait and see how harvest goes, and once we finish harvest, we can get a better idea of what we can get done the next year...

Isn't he a born-farmer? We have a few tractors, that help with different operations on the farm, and this is the one we use when we spray chemicals. It's an oldie, but a goodie! This little guy is already in love with tractors, the noise scares him still, but he loves to be on it, especially with Grandpa, and if he's the one drivin'...LOOK OUT! Levi, once on the tractor, lets out these ear-piercing shrieks of sheer happiness, like he just can't contain himself, any longer, starts spinning that big wheel around...the same as I did, when I was a little girl , outside with my grandpa. I remember pretending it was a school bus, and it was a pretty old tractor, even back then, and the lever for the gas was on the right, and it was a long thin metal stick to me...That used to be the handle that would open the doors of the school bus. I would pretend I was loading and unloading kids, probably because I rode the school bus for most of my years in school...but how many hours I spent out there on those tractors, playing and pretending while grandpa worked on other things close by. And the days that I would ride the bus home to my grandparents' house instead of my own, grandpa was there to meet me half way down the road on the tractor, and I would hop on, and I got to drive that baby all the way home!! I miss those days, but look forward to the ones where Levi can have his own pretend times on the tractor, and spend time with grandpa.

There he is, my little workin' man...wearing grandpa's work hat...He wears that, and puts on my dad's work boots...too cute! He gets so upset when he can't go out with grandpa to go work...oh the drama! So we look outside the kitchen window, and watch as grandpa pulls the tractor and whatever he's pulling behind it, lately it's been the sprayer, and talk to him and laugh and giggle as he comes up to the house in the morning for a late breakfast...what fun we have in the mornings!!

On a side note to that, it's so funny, how my only child, is SUCH a morning person...and I am so NOT one. I have my own personal alarm clock now...only the buzzer doesn't seem to turn off when I hit snooze...God should really start installing those snooze buttons more efficiently...the only thing that makes this one "snooze" is a cup of juice, and some breakfast!

The way things are going, this cycle of growing just never seems to stop...and it's so great, to see new things every day...in the orchards, and my family, my son...it's amazing to see his face light up when he learns something new, or a new word or phrase, which is almost every day now...I guess this is why they call it "the good life"...when life is going, and he is growing, it really is good.

Learning Isn't As Easy As They Say

I am actually pretty certain that whoever said learning was easy, must have been outta their mind!!
It occurred to me, as I was standing in line at the Financial Aid Office trying to square away my paperwork for Summer and Fall semesters, that I am really not where I want to be, or maybe even where I SHOULD be...After waiting in line for nearly an hour, worried about my classes, thirsty, and past the pleasant point of being a little unconfortable, I was irritated, and wanted to go anywhere but there. But, I still needed to make sure my paperwork was in order.
I thought to myself, "I don't really belong here, I stand out like a colored gem stands out on a sandy beach all by itself"...very obviously!
As I looked all around me, I was surrounded by kids who are fresh out of high school, literally. 17, 18, and 19 year olds...all around, texting, laughing, talking loudly.

But me? I'm 26 years old...I should be working right now, at a great job, doing what I love. Not going back to college...
LOL...I did do that for a while...worked and loved what I did; which guided me in a path that I never really thought I'd go down, into Agriculture. But now it seems like, we are all in this together, trying to get money for school, different types of people all around me all of a sudden...

The girl in front of me, a 17, almost 18 year old girl I started taking with, who dropped out of high school at 16 because she got pregnant-ran away with her boyfriend and came home a few months later because they ran out of money and already showing- now has to raise a baby, decided to go back to school and get her GED which she did and now she was here so she could actually make something of herself, and a life for her baby, which, as she told me, was more than her birth mother had ever done for her...but her adoptive mom and dad had said that they could work through it...and they did. She wanted to give the baby up for adoption at first, but later decided she just couldn't. And so she was trying to get her fin. aid in order to make sure everything was ready to go. She said eventually she wants to be a lawyer, but isn't sure what to do yet. All I could say was, "Well, you're in the right place!"
Having a baby as an adult is hard enough. But having one at 16? It brings a whole different life upon you, whether you are ready for it or not. And there she was. How brave of that girl!

Another person I ran into in that line behind me, was an older woman, who was trying to give herself a new fresh start in life, get a degree that she had always wanted, but was never able to get before...she was in her mid-late forties, and had two grown kids that were moved away, one was married and the other had just graduated from college in San Diego this year. She went on to tell me how they never thought he'd finish; I smirked, and said, "Oh, the 5 year plan, huh?" She laughed a little, surprised I knew what she was talking about and said "Yeah, something like that..."
Her and I chatted for a little while, and she asked why I was going, and I smiled and sweetly replied that this was my second go-round; that this was it for me, and that "I am not stopping until they hand me that degree with one hand and shake my hand with the other", and that I was doing it for various reasons, but mainly to make a better life for my own baby...that I wanted him to have more in life, a good life and more for myself as well. She got quiet, and smiled, and gently said that's sweet, and it's smart.
She said she had been wanting to do this for the past few years, but just couldn't tear herself away..."Away from what?" I asked. Her family, I discovered...I stood there, with my feet just killing me in that stupid line, along side this woman, whose name I learned was Emily.
She had three boys. I didn't say anything, but wondered if I had simply miscounted? She told me a different story then...her cousin was a nurse, and had been for years, and encouraged her years ago to become one. But she was a stay-at-home momma instead.
She proceeded to tell me, a year and a half ago, her baby, her youngest, was driving, and got in a really bad car accident. She was just starting dinner when she got the phone call. He was medi-flighted to the hospital, put in ICU and was there for a while...about a week I think. He regained consciousness off and on for a day at most, and then basically succumbed to his injuries; he slipped back into a coma, and had died a little over a week after his accident. (he was 17, and t-boned by someone who ran a stop sign). She was teary now, and all I wanted to do was hug her, but wasn't sure if that was ok...so I just listened.
She was with him 24/7, his dad, and both brothers too when they could see him...everyone was there as much as they could be, but she never left. She watched as the nurses did their "job" and watched her son slip away from her, knowing there wasn't a thing she could do to stop it. At this point, I'm just amazed that she was there. Well, I was still listening, and she told me that when she buried her son, she made a promise to him, but she never did tell me what it was, and I didn't ask. But she did tell me that she had her time for grief, and now she had decided to put herself to use, and she felt that God was directing her towards nursing. I congradulated her on it, and her ability to live life, after what she had suffered. She said it finally hit her, that she didn't have to have all the answers, and that she probably didn't want them all anyways. But she said a hope she had was tht if she could help save a life, then that would put another piece of her heart back together...but she made it clear she would never be whole again.

But a little piece here and there, is more than some people ever get put back together. So by the time they got to me in the line, I had hear two very different stories...one of new life, and one of a chapter that had been closed before it should have, because of someone else's decision. But these women, who had been just about as irritated as I was at that point, opened up to a stranger, which is amazing to me, and I was glad that they did; it always re-arranges your own perspective on life, when you sit in someone elses shoes, even if it is for just a little while. I guess it grows compassion, and empathy, and a little bit of grace every now and then.

So, I know there are many reasons for me going back to school, and there are some moments that it just doesn't seem the most ideal thing for me to be doing...but...these plans I am making now, are good plans, that will have lasting effects. I will be the first generation in my family to graduate from college, and if those women can work through their struggles and push on, then I can too...I guess that doesn't mean the road won't be bumpy, and filled with massive potholes every now and then.

I learned a lot that day; I learned what I went there to learn, but I got the privilege of learning about two people, and how that had an impact on my life, and they may or may not have known it, but learning comes at a painful price sometimes, but a very good friend of mine told me that what we do with our pain has so much to do with our relationship with God and it shapes it as well...maybe that's what learning is all about...?

A Sweet Retreat

It does not seem like it has been a week already since it was the last night that I spent down in L.A. before heading back to my "real life".



I had the absolute pleasure of spending four days days down there with Wanda and Don, and getting to spend one of those days with their daughter Julie and her boys, all of whom it has been AGES since I've seen.



It was really the perfect vacation for me, and just what the doctor ordered before school starts again next week.



When I found out that I had enough time this month to be able to get away for a few days, Wanda was my first decision. I mean really, not even Mrs. Fields' can beat Wanda's cookies! As soon as I got down there, I instantly felt like I was home, with family, and I was.
I truly needed a break...I think it's pretty funny how life never EVER takes us where we plan it to when we are young, or even as we get older; as they say, Life is what happens while you are busy making plans. And it is so true. I usually stay with my cousin and over in Santa Cruz, Ca to get myself all "put back together again" but she's away for a while in Mexico, so I immediately thought of visiting Don and Wanda.

And they were so happy to have me, and you bet...I crashed on the most comfy couch I know of!



So I learned along time ago that my years of doing whatI wanted, when I wanted were pretty much on the backburner, to say the least...actually I think it first hit me when took all three pregnancy tests one right after the other, and all I could do was stare at them all lined up in a row knowing my life was going to be different,forever, and all I could do was laugh! I was excited, and terrified...not knowing what lied ahead at that point...and by the time I got to hold Levi in my arms for the first time, I knew there was nothing else that could ever trump that moment. Not a single thing. And so in the brief times that I get tim to myself, usually at a women's retreat or in to Santa Cruz, I take ABSOLUTE joy in it and treasure that time to myself, cuz I com back to my family refreshed, and ready to take life on!

So when I decided to go back to college after a while, I knew it would be tough. But I never realized what it would do to me. I knew I had to, and with the economy, it was really hard to find a GOOD job without a degree.

So Right before Levi turned 1, I signed up for the Spring semester at good ole MJC...I chose to major in Agricutural Business, since I have grown up around it my whole life...

So basically my life now consists of my hilarious crack-up of a son, and school~full time all year round so that I can hopefully finish sooner rather than later...So I basically do Fall, Spring and Summer semesters back to back, with one break. The month of May itself.


So that is why I needed such a break...this past Spring was especially trying on me, the hours were rediculous, the classes I took were exceedingly difficult, upper-division courses, with heavy projects...but I was SUPER proud to have done so well in all my classes!!


So Wanda's "Bed and Breakfast" was the perfect retreat for me to get away, collect my sanity, and prepare me for the coming months...and now I'm contemplating changing my major...but we will see what happens with that...if I do that, it will more than likely affect my transfer date to university...yikes!!

A Handful of Precious Memories

I have been thinking so much lately about how time just seems to fly by, as life continues to flow on and on...and I was looking at some of my first pictures I took of my son. I love photography, and havn't taken many pictures of much since I had him, he sure keeps me busy!
But after he was first born, I took so many, and I love B&W, so I thought I would share some various pictures of my precious Levi.

My "Lovin' Spoonful" as he is well known in my close circle of friends.

I have just been reminiscing in these...just a little handful of my own precious memories...feel free to share with me some of your own, any kind.

This was the day I brought him home from the hospital, I could never get enough of him wrapping his little hand around my one finger...it just amazed me, how tiny he was (but let me tell you...he was NOT that tiny, at 8.5 lbs, and 19 in. long! and he was 2 and 1/2 weeks early...lol!) No matter how big his hands get, he will more than likely always be wrapped around my finger...a sweet thought for me, standing a little under 5'7, and knowing my son will tower over me in not very many years...that's kinda scary!

It's so nice to be able to nap every few hours...this is also the first week I brought him home...not even 7 days old yet...I took a little cat nap as soon as I snapped off this shot, we were up alot that night...wheww.







This is one of my favorites...I just pretend he's already blowing me kisses...this was taken at around 2 weeks old...He was readmitted to the hospital due to his Jaundice numbers being so high...it was a rough time for me even to get him in to the hospital., lots of blood work, paperwork getting lost, shuffling back and forth to diferent offices in different towns, at 9 p.m. yeah, that was NOT fun...once they got his numers, they took him in immediately. His numbers were in the high twenties, reaching 28 at the peak...he wouldn't even eat...sweet boy...he was there about a week. He had come home for three days after birth, then was readmitted, because he was so very very sick. I stayed with him in his room in the NICU, 24/7...and going through post-partum in a little room like that is not much fun lol...But he eventually bounced back, decided it was time to hatch out of his incubator, and come home with momma! This is our "Welcome Home Kiss".






This is one of my favorites...just out for a quick snooze...and he still to this day sleeps the same way...but he is starting to snore every now and then, and you can't help but laugh! I have recently walked in to check on him several times and heard him talking in his sleep...he is learning Spanish as well as English, and I've heard him say "mas, mas, mas" (more, more, more) as if he's dreaming...of food more than likely!

A few months, bout 2 1/2, and he has his first two teeth...I am sooo very blessed, he is more often than not a happy baby boy, just like this, all smiles, nearly all the time...I did say nearly, yes?
He IS in those "terrrible two's"...but 98% of the time, my sweet child is laughing, playing and giggling. What I love about babies and children, they hold absolutely nothing back...and when they laugh, it is with all their body, and all their heart...it's so awesome. Most adults don't laugh that way...


This little guy never can get enough...he loves to eat, and he is such a crack-up! I had to dance around, clap my hands, and make myself look adorably rediculous just for him to look up at me like that!

Oh~ the things we do to get smiles out of our children...

Just As I am

As I Am~The Goo Goo Dolls

Yeah I tried so hard to make it
Then I watched it slip away
The hardest thing we face
Is the silence of the space
At times I feel so empty through the day~

You know you get me through the darkness
You know you get me through the day

Calling out for you again,
You always guide my way
Calling out for you, you know
You heal these empty days

And it’s all because you take me as I am
And it’s all because you take me as I am

You know I run to find the answers
What I need to find is you
And I don’t need anything
No, I don’t need anything
Because I know you always take me as I am


You know you get me through the darkness
You know you get me through the day

Calling for you again
You always find my way
Calling out for you, you know
You heal these empty days

And it’s all because you take me as I am
And it’s all because you take me as I am

Calling out for you again
You always guide my way
Calling out for you, you know
You heal these empty days

And it’s all because you take me as I am
And it’s all because you take me as I am
And it’s all because you take me as I am

I love this song. You know, it's kinda funny, how people seem to get so worried about outward appearances, and how people should "be", that they seem to forget that very rarely are we ever able to acutally live up to that pedastal we are put upon.
I'm so glad that I'm not calling out to empty space, as many times as it might truly feel like I am...I know better.
I'm learning through this new journey of mommyhood what the relationship between parent and child is made up of...lots of sweat, laughter, joy, smiles and plenty of tears that's what! When my precious son cries, I don't listen with a distant ear and think "Oh, I'll go get him a bit later, I'm busy with something else right now...".
No...I go to him immediately, pick him up, dry the tears, and usually kiss away the tears, and get him back on track...and I have to remember that Jesus does even more than that for me...even me...even when I've messed up. There He is, to hold me, to love me, just as I am.
I can see today that I am who I am, not just because of the things I have been through in my life that grow me, and make me "stronger", but because He has allowed those things into my life, to glorify Himself, and shine...through me. And I can only hope that as I grow my wonderful son, teach him, and guide him, that he will be satisfied to just be who he is, not a part of any crowd that just fits right in among the masses, but stand out from the crowds, and to flourish as a man that God has fearfully and wonderfully made, and nothing else.
That is one hope for my life,and a goal that I strive towards each day...(and all those nights we are up every few hours! :)
Oh, how He loves us, just as we are...and quickly we forget it.
But I must remember that He is jealous of me...just as I am!