Learning Isn't As Easy As They Say

I am actually pretty certain that whoever said learning was easy, must have been outta their mind!!
It occurred to me, as I was standing in line at the Financial Aid Office trying to square away my paperwork for Summer and Fall semesters, that I am really not where I want to be, or maybe even where I SHOULD be...After waiting in line for nearly an hour, worried about my classes, thirsty, and past the pleasant point of being a little unconfortable, I was irritated, and wanted to go anywhere but there. But, I still needed to make sure my paperwork was in order.
I thought to myself, "I don't really belong here, I stand out like a colored gem stands out on a sandy beach all by itself"...very obviously!
As I looked all around me, I was surrounded by kids who are fresh out of high school, literally. 17, 18, and 19 year olds...all around, texting, laughing, talking loudly.

But me? I'm 26 years old...I should be working right now, at a great job, doing what I love. Not going back to college...
LOL...I did do that for a while...worked and loved what I did; which guided me in a path that I never really thought I'd go down, into Agriculture. But now it seems like, we are all in this together, trying to get money for school, different types of people all around me all of a sudden...

The girl in front of me, a 17, almost 18 year old girl I started taking with, who dropped out of high school at 16 because she got pregnant-ran away with her boyfriend and came home a few months later because they ran out of money and already showing- now has to raise a baby, decided to go back to school and get her GED which she did and now she was here so she could actually make something of herself, and a life for her baby, which, as she told me, was more than her birth mother had ever done for her...but her adoptive mom and dad had said that they could work through it...and they did. She wanted to give the baby up for adoption at first, but later decided she just couldn't. And so she was trying to get her fin. aid in order to make sure everything was ready to go. She said eventually she wants to be a lawyer, but isn't sure what to do yet. All I could say was, "Well, you're in the right place!"
Having a baby as an adult is hard enough. But having one at 16? It brings a whole different life upon you, whether you are ready for it or not. And there she was. How brave of that girl!

Another person I ran into in that line behind me, was an older woman, who was trying to give herself a new fresh start in life, get a degree that she had always wanted, but was never able to get before...she was in her mid-late forties, and had two grown kids that were moved away, one was married and the other had just graduated from college in San Diego this year. She went on to tell me how they never thought he'd finish; I smirked, and said, "Oh, the 5 year plan, huh?" She laughed a little, surprised I knew what she was talking about and said "Yeah, something like that..."
Her and I chatted for a little while, and she asked why I was going, and I smiled and sweetly replied that this was my second go-round; that this was it for me, and that "I am not stopping until they hand me that degree with one hand and shake my hand with the other", and that I was doing it for various reasons, but mainly to make a better life for my own baby...that I wanted him to have more in life, a good life and more for myself as well. She got quiet, and smiled, and gently said that's sweet, and it's smart.
She said she had been wanting to do this for the past few years, but just couldn't tear herself away..."Away from what?" I asked. Her family, I discovered...I stood there, with my feet just killing me in that stupid line, along side this woman, whose name I learned was Emily.
She had three boys. I didn't say anything, but wondered if I had simply miscounted? She told me a different story then...her cousin was a nurse, and had been for years, and encouraged her years ago to become one. But she was a stay-at-home momma instead.
She proceeded to tell me, a year and a half ago, her baby, her youngest, was driving, and got in a really bad car accident. She was just starting dinner when she got the phone call. He was medi-flighted to the hospital, put in ICU and was there for a while...about a week I think. He regained consciousness off and on for a day at most, and then basically succumbed to his injuries; he slipped back into a coma, and had died a little over a week after his accident. (he was 17, and t-boned by someone who ran a stop sign). She was teary now, and all I wanted to do was hug her, but wasn't sure if that was ok...so I just listened.
She was with him 24/7, his dad, and both brothers too when they could see him...everyone was there as much as they could be, but she never left. She watched as the nurses did their "job" and watched her son slip away from her, knowing there wasn't a thing she could do to stop it. At this point, I'm just amazed that she was there. Well, I was still listening, and she told me that when she buried her son, she made a promise to him, but she never did tell me what it was, and I didn't ask. But she did tell me that she had her time for grief, and now she had decided to put herself to use, and she felt that God was directing her towards nursing. I congradulated her on it, and her ability to live life, after what she had suffered. She said it finally hit her, that she didn't have to have all the answers, and that she probably didn't want them all anyways. But she said a hope she had was tht if she could help save a life, then that would put another piece of her heart back together...but she made it clear she would never be whole again.

But a little piece here and there, is more than some people ever get put back together. So by the time they got to me in the line, I had hear two very different stories...one of new life, and one of a chapter that had been closed before it should have, because of someone else's decision. But these women, who had been just about as irritated as I was at that point, opened up to a stranger, which is amazing to me, and I was glad that they did; it always re-arranges your own perspective on life, when you sit in someone elses shoes, even if it is for just a little while. I guess it grows compassion, and empathy, and a little bit of grace every now and then.

So, I know there are many reasons for me going back to school, and there are some moments that it just doesn't seem the most ideal thing for me to be doing...but...these plans I am making now, are good plans, that will have lasting effects. I will be the first generation in my family to graduate from college, and if those women can work through their struggles and push on, then I can too...I guess that doesn't mean the road won't be bumpy, and filled with massive potholes every now and then.

I learned a lot that day; I learned what I went there to learn, but I got the privilege of learning about two people, and how that had an impact on my life, and they may or may not have known it, but learning comes at a painful price sometimes, but a very good friend of mine told me that what we do with our pain has so much to do with our relationship with God and it shapes it as well...maybe that's what learning is all about...?